


The meaning of a kiss

by AlessaKagamine



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Anal Sex, Denial of Feelings, Enemies to Lovers, Love/Hate, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, Porn with Feelings, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-13 06:13:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12977814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlessaKagamine/pseuds/AlessaKagamine
Summary: Although they fucked, Izaya and Shizuo weren't able to acknowledge what they felt for each other. Because you don't need to love someone to have sex with them, but you do when you kiss each other.





	The meaning of a kiss

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! This ship is gonna be the death of me. Seriously, I just love imagining those two trying to conceal their feelings because they're too afraid of losing the other, but eventually being unabled to keep on lying and finally admit their love. Anyway I hope you'll love this fic as much as I enjoyed to write it

They had sex, but they never kissed.

Usually, it started in a back alley, late at night, sometimes it ended in one of their apartment, when their were patient enough. Izaya always had bruises, biting marks when Shizuo’s back was full of scratches, but neither of them seemed to notice it when they fuck. It only hurt afterwards, when they were finally alone and the ghost of the other was still present on their mind.

How did this began? Izaya, of course, had been the one to suggest it and naturally Shizuo had agreed. Izaya hadn’t proposed because he felt lonely, because the way things were with the beast tore him apart, even though he was the one destroying them. It wasn’t that he was obsessed with Shizuo, that it had become unable to sleep because he kept thinking about him, because he couldn’t stand their “mutual” hatred, because he knew Shizuo would eventually leave him when he would become tired of their chase, of their game, of him. No, the only reason was he felt bored and needed someone to relieve him of sex frustration. 

Shizuo had agreed because he didn’t cared if he hurt Izaya (because of the lack of control he had over his strength) and he had been quite a while since he had slept with someone. It had nothing to do with the fact sex was the only time Shizuo felt as if he were the one in control, as if Izaya had stopped to slip away from him. Nor was it because he kept having nightmare each time Izaya was away, where something would happened to the Flea and he would die because Shizuo hadn’t been there for him, or worst, because Shizuo had killed him. He hadn’t accepted because Izaya was his, only his, because he couldn’t stand them being apart anymore.

And so they’d never kissed, because that would have mean there was something. Kissing would say all those unspoken truths they didn’t even want admit to themselves. That would mean Izaya cared, that would mean Shizuo didn’t hated him, that would mean they lov...

 

The sound of step alerted Izaya before he even heard the knocking on his door. It was already 2 in the morning and he had just finished his work. Opening the door, he blink a few times at the sight of Shizuo on the threshold. Standing before him, in his usual bartender uniform, the blond remained silence and only looked at him. Mocha eyes met crimsons ones, and Izaya felt a shiver as he noticed the sadness in them. Something had happened, he thought, letting the other in his home, that would explain why Shizuo had avoided him the past week. But it wasn’t as if Izaya would ask because he cared. It was just meant to bother the other :

“Nee Shizu-chan, did you miss me so much you couldn’t wait a decent hour to come or is it you needed some relief because you once again had a hard time to control your monstrous strength ?” The raven chuckled, but even to him it sounded faked. 

“Just undressed already, you know what I’m here for.” Stray forward as always, though Shizuo seemed a little impatient tonight.

“Shizu-chan shouldn’t expect me to be ready every time he needs to fuck.” Izaya whispered. But he still leaded the way to his bedroom, followed by the blond.   
It was dark, as usual, and neither of them bothered to open the light. They were used to be in the darkness anyway. Just as Izaya stood before his bed, Shizuo quickly grabbed his arm to turn him around and push him on it. Izaya didn’t made a comment, he didn’t even smirk at the other. He just couldn’t, not when Shizuo was above him, looking this desperate and he couldn’t understand why. But once again, he didn’t cared, or so he told himself.

While Izaya began to unfasten his pants, Shizuo worked on his own shirt, unbuttoning it and throwing it on the floor, along with Izaya's. Once they were naked, Izaya started to touch him but Shizuo pinned his arms on the mattress with one hand and with the other he undertook to pump his length, quickly making Izaya groaned under the friction. Beneath him, the informant had closed his eyes, and the urge to fuck him made Shizuo shiver. God nobody should be allowed to be this sexy. 

Speeding his pace, the blond grew harder as the suppressed moans grew louder. Not being able to remain untouched any longer, Shizuo pressed his cock against the other’s and began to move once again. Soon the heat became unbearable and his teeth found their way to Izaya’s neck, making the raven squirm even more, but he didn’t tell him to stop, and Shizuo knew Izaya liked it. 

Suddenly Shizuo popped himself on his elbow and leaned to grab the bottle of lube left at the same place he had saw it last time they were here. It was one week ago, one week since Shizuo had tried and failed to give up on Izaya, one week since he had tried not to come back, one fucking week where he had become crazy at the solely thought of never sleeping ( being) with Izaya again. He was a mess, he knew it, he should have expected his come back, should have known it would end like the other hundredth of times he had wanted to run away.

Once Izaya was prepared, rather rudimentary that is, Shizuo thrusted himself in him and soon the bed was shaking. He hated it, he hated how much he enjoyed it, how much he loved it, how everything didn’t matter once he was there. He bit Izaya’s shoulder harder until the moment he had to let go in order to take his breath. Izaya was panting, much more than before, his nails leaving scratches all over the other’s back. Shizuo’s body was aching but it wasn’t as if he was able to stop. Instead he leaned his forehead on Izaya’s, their noses a few inch from touching. 

Izaya opened his eyes and as they moved together, they stared at each other. Neither of them broke contact, although Izaya could feel his head starting to spin. Izaya didn’t tried to suppress his moans anymore, and Shizuo had already started to groan a long time ago. Everywhere Shizuo touched him, Izaya could feel his skin burning, could feel the desire of wanting more consuming him with each thrusts, the tension raising of the closeness of their faces. A few inches apart.  
The only thing keeping Shizuo’s gaze to dart to Izaya’s lips was his eyes, his eyes filled with lust and pleasure, without any trace of their usual lies, as if the mask the other always wore had fade away. They were too close, they were too hot and what only mattered at the moment was them.

Shizuo could usually pretend he hated Izaya, but not now. Not when the desire to kiss him was stronger than the desire to come, when he was going mad at the thought of losing him. Izaya could pretend he was playing with Shizuo, but not now. Not when he allowed him to touch him, to do whatever he wanted with him, when he couldn’t stop thinking of him, of kissing him, of more.

They used to have sex, but they had never kissed.

But tonight was different, tonight was the first time neither of them could hold back. They both knew that they couldn’t lie anymore, because it had become too obvious, too toxic, too blissful. They couldn’t pretend anymore. And thus tonight was their first kiss.

Who kissed the other ? None of them could tell, none of them cared enough. The moment they lips had touched, it had felt so right, so fucking right they couldn’t even remember why they had waited, but it was meaningless in face of tonight.

The kiss wasn’t gentle, it was desperate, it was full of wants, full of the words they weren’t able to say, full of their needs for each other they had felt since high school. It was a promise.

Their teeth clashed, their tongue tangled, breathing was becoming tougher with each seconds but it was too good. Shizuo thrusted harder inside Izaya just as the raven crossed his legs against his back, also pushing harder. With one hand in the other’s hair, Shizuo lifted Izaya’s head to deepen the kiss, pulling at his hair while Izaya’s grasped onto his own blond hair begged him to sink further inside of him.

Izaya clenched around Shizuo as he came, making the blond follow him immediately. They stayed like that for a few minutes, staring at each other without a word. They weren’t needed, not after what happened, not when they both knew things would change after tonight.

Either Izaya faced the truth,   
either he pushed Shizuo aside.  
Either Shizuo faced the truth,   
either he ran away from Izaya.  
Either they faced the truth, 

either they had to give up of each other.

Never…

Slowly Shizuo bent down to Izaya, as if asking the permission. Izaya lifted his head up. More tentatively than before, their lips once again met.


End file.
